Weaning is the process whereby a child learns to take nourishment other than his mother’s milk. It starts when the child is introduced to foods and drinks in addition to breast milk and ends when they finally stops nursing.
All breastfeeding journeys will inevitably come to an end, and it may be comforting to know that there are many ways to go about this transition. For some, the breastfeeding relationship will come to a natural conclusion, where the baby or toddler will self-wean. For others a conscious decision will be made to phase out breastfeeding gradually. For some parents, night-time feeds are dropped but daytime feeds continue; whilst for others breastfeeding is only during the night.
There’s no right or wrong way to go about it
The most important thing is that it feels right for you and your unique family situation. For parents who might be finding it hard to juggle breastfeeding with going back to work, it’s important to remember that it doesn’t necessarily have to be all or nothing. You could decide to do night weaning but still continue a morning breastfeed before work and another one when you return. For those mums who do want to continue exclusive breastfeeding even when back at work, they can do so by maintaining a number of pumping sessions during the day when away from their baby. There are many possibilities available to you, depending on your breastfeeding goals which you may find naturally change over time. Many mothers actually find themselves nursing for much longer than they originally intended.
As a breastfeeding counsellor, many mums ask me about weaning and how to stop breastfeeding. Key to my support would always be to help them make decisions that they feel were the right decisions for them when looking back at a later date. I sometimes meet mums who have felt some regret about their decision to stop breastfeeding, and some have told me that they feel like they have lost a superpower. Others felt like it was totally the right decision for them and their family situation and helped them to maintain their relationship and their sanity!
If you are struggling with breastfeeding, it may be that by taking a pause, knowing that you have options and exploring these options, could help you to continue breastfeeding at a slightly different rhythm or it may be that you feel that indeed the time is right for you to stop…and that’s perfectly OK.
I often share these two articles which provide lots of thoughtful, thought-provoking and practical advice on weaning:
Thinking of Weaning? By La Leche League GB
Ending your breastfeeding journey: some approaches to parent-led weaning By Emma Pickett IBCLC
Expectations vs. reality
It can also be really helpful to talk through your decision to end breastfeeding before starting the weaning process and to think in terms of expectations vs reality. It’s important to remember that breastfeeding is not only about providing nutrition to your baby but it is also about connection and nurture and love. Some parents worry that continuing breastfeeding after a certain point is causing their baby to wake several times in the night and that by stopping breastfeeding everyone will get a better sleep. In reality there are many reasons why babies – and toddlers – still wake in the night; hunger being just one of them. They may be hot or cold, they may be teething or having a bad dream and need your reassurance. In terms of responding to your baby’s needs during the night, breastfeeding can be a very valuable thing to have in your toolbox and often provides a quicker resolution to their upset than trying to provide other kinds of soothing attention if your breastfeeding journey is over.
WHO recommendation
WHO recommends that breast milk remains the primary source of nutrition during the first year, with complementary foods gradually increasing in the second half of the year. If weaning occurs before 12 months, it will be important to meet your baby’s nutritional needs with an adequate amount of breastmilk substitute. After 12 months, babies’ milk requirements can be met by full-fat cow’s milk, so some parents choose to breastfeed until after 12 months so that they eliminate the need for giving formula. It comes down to personal choice.
How long does it take to wean?
Weaning can be a very emotional experience for both of you. It is time to be gentle with yourself and gentle with your little one. Sometimes you might find that you need to give it more time and come back to it if it feels too hard for either of you. In general, a gradual process over a number of weeks or months is favoured in order to give time for both of you to adjust physically and emotionally. Your body will need to adapt gradually to reduce your supply and prevent engorgement or mastitis. Due to the change in hormones, you may feel great sadness or weaning blues. Your baby or toddler will need extra cuddles and attention and may become more clingy or show some changes to their behaviour.
By cutting down gradually, this will allow your milk production to decrease slowly avoiding discomfort and fullness and will reduce your risk of becoming engorged or developing mastitis.
Weaning may be easier at around 18 months or later, when gently cutting down feeds can be easier since your toddler is learning to talk at this age and you will be able to find ways to explain what is happening.
Strategies for the weaning process
La Leche League suggests some strategies for helping with the weaning process for the older baby or toddler:
- Don’t offer, don’t refuse is a simple technique to help when weaning from the breast.
- Change daily routines so your child is not reminded about nursing—avoid sitting in your usual nursing chair; get up promptly for breakfast; introduce a bed-time routine that includes a sleep cue, such as a music CD or story which can continue when breastfeeding has stopped.
- Enlist your partner’s help or that of another adult in giving your child breakfast or settling him to sleep.
- Offer a snack just before you expect your child to nurse, so as to increase the length of time between feeds and/or shorten a feed. Sit together and have a drink and a snack yourself. This can emphasise the pleasure of sharing food and is a way of giving attention to compensate for the closeness of breastfeeding.
- Suggest an interesting activity to distract a child from nursing: visit the park or a friend; cook together; involve them in helping you with your work. Give your child your full attention and save phone calls, emails and your own activities for later.
- Stay at home and keep things calm to help a child who asks to nurse when he is overwhelmed.
- Postponement can be an effective weaning method for helping to wean older children who can cope with waiting, but note that it can make some children all the more determined to nurse.
LLL also has great tips for night weaning in their article. In addition, there is a wonderful book that a number of mums who I have supported have found to work really well called Nursies When the Sun Shines: A little book on night weaning by Katherine C. Havener.
Whatever your breastfeeding and weaning journey, trust yourself to make the right decisions for yourself and your baby. Take your time and please don’t feel pressurised to stop if you or your baby don’t feel ready. But conversely, if you are finding breastfeeding too hard then please give yourself permission to gradually phase it out. You will know when the time feels right for you. The key thing is to have a happy and thriving mum and baby dyad, in whatever shape or form that may be!
Please get in touch if you need any breastfeeding advice. You can find me at breastfeeding@bctbelgium.org
By Jane Piot, Breastfeeding Counsellor, breastfeeding@bctbelgium.org
This article was first published in the 2025 summer edition of the BCT’s Small Talk magazine.
